Why it’s time to forget Internet Dating!
Thank God I’m no longer single. What a tiresome battleground that was.
If you ask me, dating sites suck. Ditch the world of cyberspace and work on you – Are you sick of being single and are ready to manifest your ideal life partner? Trust in the Universe and it will deliver. If I can do it, so can you.
It’s June 2012 and it’s freezing cold and I am sitting on my bed. I pull my hoody over my head and pull my knees into my body to try to get warm. It’s winter in Australia and I am sitting in a cold, Melbourne drug rehab centre. It’s journal time and we are told to write down our thoughts. I am thinking, how the hell did I get here? How did I hit such a painful rock bottom? Depression, drugs and a chronic pain condition helped get me here. I already knew this. As a life coach, I am aware of the importance of goal setting, having gratitude and manifestation. I also know how fundamental an inspirational life goal is for achieving a successful recovery.
I begin to hesitantly scribble down the life I see for myself 12 months from now. I had gone through this process before using vision boards, etc. and I had become rather good at manifesting. The secret to manifesting is becoming aligned with your truth. There is so much more involved than what the book, “The Secret,” describes -written by Rhonda Burns.
Anyway, I am sitting in rehab, feeling horrid and trying to design my dream life. I also included things I need to do to heal and inspiration to stay clean and sober. I write about creating my dream business, regaining my health, healing from heart break and most of all, meeting my ideal life partner and having a baby one day. Basically, the “Why” behind my recovery.
At this stage in my life, I was terribly lonely, broke and in denial about many things. I was also about 6 months into recovery from a near fatal drug overdose and mini stroke. Being a high achiever, I thought I had reached a dream once before, only to have it crumble in less than a year. I now know that the fundamentals of this dream were rocky and sooner or later, the house of cards was bound to fall. So after the nasty, painful fall occurred, I painstakingly picked up the pieces of my shattered life and started over again. After my near death experience, I never give up or stop believing.
Fast forward 2 years from rehab. I was thriving in my recovery and so much had positively changed for me. I was living on the Gold Coast. I had restarted my business from the ground up and begun growing it once again – this time more aligned to my soul life purpose. When I returned to the Gold Coast after leaving rehab, I entered into a short relationship. It was a wonderful blessing, however we both knew it was not going to be long term. The relationship lasted about one year and when it ended, I once again found myself single. Being single I never ventured out much as I probably could have – so I decided to join a couple of online dating sites. I was in the process of healing and receiving regular energy healing and manifesting my ideal life partner however, it wasn’t happening fast enough and I was becoming somewhat impatient. Patience is definitely not a virtue of mine. I had put my order into the Universe, I had done all of the inner clearing and manifesting work; now it was a waiting game.
Deep in my soul, I had a feeling the Universe would create the perfect scenario for us to meet; I just needed to relax and trust in the process. However, I’m curious by nature and wanted see who was out there in the matrix, so I joined two upmarket, paid dating sites.
I noticed something interesting on many of the male online dating profiles. A lot of them read – No Game Players Need Apply. Hmm okay… “No Game Players”… What exactly did these guys mean? Does it mean don’t play games, because genuine people are tired of it? Since when did women that play mind games become a concern for men? This actually does seem to be a concern for the majority of men on the matrix of cyberspace. I found this quite interesting.
Soo here is my 2 cents. Why would you play mind games with someone you fancied? Why waste your time and energy? Is it because you are bored, or want to feel superior over others, or just because you can? I have little respect for this sort of people. If you want to host the game-playing party, then bring your games, I thought. I hope you can play exceptionally well. You better know how to roll the dice just right and practice your poker face in the circus mirror. If you play mind games with another person, you better think of a safety word. Press Play, and tread carefully.
I have worked in the mental health industry for over 10 years. It is a requirement for me to use my mind in a psychological and responsible manner. I live and breathe my passion and everything addiction recovery. I theorize and analyze all day, every day, and suffer quite regularly from physical as well as mental fatigue and burnout.
To be fair, at the time of my online dating ordeal, I had very little time or patience for personal relationships. I was married to my business and chained to my laptop. Writing a book became my obsession and was a full time responsibility. After I had gone to work, metaphorically slaved over a hot stove and mopped the floor, while still suffering from adrenal fatigue, I barley had enough energy to send a simple text message. This combination of work and life pressures left me with little to absolutely no tolerance for guys who play psychological mind games. It’s on par with watching “My Little Pony” or “Care Bears” on repeat for hours – boring and childish. I hold my personal relationships sacred. If you want a key to my heart, or into my life; you better be kind, loving and genuine. I like to think I can figure people out pretty quickly.
To all the single men out there, here is some dating advice. Stop trying to be Mr. Fucking Mysterious. Don’t be emotionally hard work. Stop being overly complicated or attempting to complicate things. Stop creating games because you’re the only one playing and I would cut you off faster than a beheading in Syria.
Mind games are psychologically damaging to people. If you are intelligent, you have a responsibility to stop yourself from using your intelligence to hurt another human being. If you are doing this to gain something from another person, or bend them to your will, you are only harming yourself in the end. It’s the rule of Karma; what goes around, comes around.
I accept a certain level of responsibility in my relationships. I keep it heartfelt, real and raw with people.
Anyone single out there, if you genuinely want to meet the love of your life, you need to stop playing mind games. You need to fuck off the dating websites. Be true to yourself.
“Don’t sweet talk me if you don’t mean it. Don’t treat me like a conquest. Don’t lie to me to get in my pants. Don’t turn into a stage five clinger. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Please don’t even try to play Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. Or the “I can’t – or just don’t know how to express my feelings” type of guy. I refused to date men who are unable to express or their own emotions. “Emotionally retarded men” I call them. Here’s the truth, boys… drumroll… acting this way is not sexy, tough or cool. It’s boring and old. It’s complicated and annoying.
I’m not encouraging you to go out and wear a skirt (unless you want to) – quite the opposite. Just be brave enough to wear your heart on your sleeve. If you want to play mind games – go stimulate your mind in a gaming arcade or do the Sunday crossword. It’s time to give up the petty mind games. Grow up, but don’t lose your joy or your ability to joke around like a silly kid. Being vulnerable, real, raw and uncensored usually seals the deal.
By playing “Mr. Too Cool for School,” you are only harming yourself and others. You are robbing yourself of true love and happiness. Sorry guys, back then I didn’t have the time or the patience to sit around with my girlfriends analyzing why you didn’t call or text back. You either called because you like me, or you didn’t call because you are not that into me. That’s okay. Keep it simple. I say this to the women on these sites as well. All of the above.
I only lasted about 2 months on these dating sites before I took my various profiles down. I released the need of trying to meet someone and just started being. I began trusting and focusing on me, my life and serving others.
Not long after, life was going well for me. I went to a dance party on an island with a girlfriend. As we sat on the boat during the ride over to the party I wiped the sweat from my brow and looked out to the crystal blue ocean. It was a hot summer day and the boat was packed with people. I took a minute to myself and mentally said to the Universe, “I surrender my life to you, please guide and look after me and let what will be, be.”
I was semi involved with a guy that was the CEO of the resort we were headed to. The relationship was definitely going nowhere but I was focused on him that day and the sex was quite good. I still however, made sure I was open to meeting my ideal partner. The one I had been manifesting since the cold, dark days of rehab. You see I was always on the lookout as I had a picture of his features in my mind.
Later that night at the party, I wasn’t having a very good time. The CEO who ran the resort was ignoring me I felt upset about this. When I found out he was married, had a wife and she was there in the VIP section I went into a rage. I was angry that I had become involved with another lying cheater. I was quite upset and began showing the chearter’s friends the messages he sent me. He was alerted to his and ordered the security guards to throw me off the island.
Then, out of nowhere, this charming, handsome guy came to my rescue.
You’re not going to believe it, but after I settled down and relaxed, I looked into his eyes I felt an instant connection.
I had done the healing work and released the heartache from a devastating relationship years prior. I had wasted years in relationships I knew were going nowhere, however I knew in my being, that night I had met him.
At the end of the night, I boarded the boat back home and still just couldn’t believe it. He was incredibly good looking and especially attentive to me that night. I got back home and went to bed. I thought to myself, it’s finally happened, I have met him. He appeared to meet all the criteria I had written down and released to the Universe. I didn’t want to get my hopes up to much but I had a strong feeling our encounter would turn into something more.
The following week he took me out on a romantic dinner date. That was less than a year ago and I am now living with the most incredible, ideal, adoring, respectful and loving partner. He is amazing. I still have to pinch myself at the thought that I was able to manifest him and that the Universe actually delivered. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye. He is everything on my list down to his age, kind, strong and gentle nature, blue eyes and salt & pepper hair. I would also like to share the happy news that we are expecting our first baby boy together! The pregnancy has been far from easy however I am hoping it is totally worth it.
I look at him and I think to myself, “Wow, I manifested you?” You were a gift from the Universe. When I do get cranky with him as I can definitely be a moody bitch at times, I remind myself of the horror. The soul destroying relationships and terrible heartbreak I had to go through before meeting him. The single life and the lonely nights; the horrible dates with unsuitable men. The nights spent crying to a friend and telling them I was over it and over men in general. I wondered, when was my time going to come? When was I going to meet the one? We joked that I may end up an old spinster with a cat as my only company. I was beginning to accept this could be my future. My heart ached tremendously, but luckily, I still had faith. Faith in God and the Universe. I knew if I loved and healed myself and still believed my ideal partner would come into my life in the perfect divine timing, then he would. I was also prepared and accepted if he didn’t and I had let go of all attachment. One of the secrets to successful manifestation.
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of becoming crystal clear on what you want in an ideal partner. Write this down and release it to the Universe. Also, you must get serious about working on becoming the person your ideal partner would want to be with. Do the inner work. This is the secret. Faith and trust. You must let go of the attachment. Do not settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.
I am living proof that the law of attraction and manifestation work. I have manifested many things, pets, a dream home, a horse, my ideal partner. My message is simple; just be the real you and never lose faith.
If you would like to learn the secrets for attracting your ideal life partner, please contact me to discuss a coaching package. Create the life you deserve.
Be sure you are ready and that this is what you really want. It can be quite a shock when it starts happening. Gratitude is the key for me. I remind myself daily how lucky I am that the Universe delivered my order.
You can also sign up for my free Webinar : How to Create a Charmed Life and manifest your hearts desires. Please connect with me via social media or email.